I remember we were sitting on the grass, looking at the water and he took his cigarette and cut the filter because he said it made them stronger.
I still do that sometimes to just make sure I can still feel something
I don’t say anything because I have nothing to say and I’m not one for talking about nothing.
But when I love I’ll talk about anything
And maybe that’s why I’m so empty—
Maybe I let the words pour out of me like I did my blood,
Maybe that’s why one day he told me I wasn’t enough and why others say I’m too much.
Thinking of her makes me think of the leaves that were turning gold when we were happy,
I have a new fascination with the trees of New England and if you watch closely you can sometimes catch me staring.
I’ve asked for miracles and wasted too many daisies picking the petals off
I love me,
I love me not.
But the inevitable truth is that once golden, the leaves turn brown and die, and smoking cigarettes will kill you and it seems impossible to drown in an empty body but if it is then why am I gasping for air
my mind races at night
You didn’t put me under a spell
You put me under a curse
You cursed me with your bloodshot eyes and your favorite song and
It haunted me for two years and now when I hear your name I don’t know what to do
Because you don’t know that I thought your eyes were like the ocean, which I didn’t love as much until I met you
You don’t know that I fell in love with you
I know it was wrong but I always made the wrong choices,
I know it doesn’t make any sense but nothing does anymore
So why not
I’m falling so I’m running because falling leads to bruises and you’ve made my bones weak
I will always love you I will always love you even if I love someone else I will still love you
Your eyes are so wonderful and I want to run my fingers through your hair and I know everything about you and you know all of me and you hugged me so tight that day I had to leave
Your laugh makes me want to sing and I would sing to you all the time if it’d mean you’d smile
I’m in love with you heart and attached to your soul
But you are not in love with me
It hurts when you tell me about her
I enjoy your presence
I’ve said it
I like the feelings you give me
I love what you say to me and how you say it and I love when you touch me with your hands as they trace the maps on my skin
I love how you make me feel
I love what we have
But I do not love you
I wish I did
And I’m sorry
I’M HARD TO LOVE AND YOU WILL LAUGH AND SAY NO.
BUT YOU HAVENT TRIED.
SO JUST TRY TO LOVE ME AND TELL ME HOW HARD IT IS TO NOT GET ANGRY WITH ME AT TIMES BECAUSE SEX TRIGGERS ME AND MAYBE YOU KNOW WHY AND MAYBE YOU DONT BUT EITHER WAY I AM SORRY.
BUT I DO NOT KNOW WHY I AM SORRY BECAUSE IT WAS NOT MY FAULT.
TELL ME HOW HARD IT IS TO LOVE ME WHILE NOT BEING ABLE TO STAND THE WAY I GET ANGRY SO EASILY SOMETIMES AND HOW I SOMETIMES FLINCH WHEN YOU TOUCH ME
IM HARD TO LOVE
BUT IT IS EASY TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ME
IT IS EASY TO LOVE THE DARKNESS OF MY EYES AND HOW I BITE YOUR LIP
ITS EASY TO LOVE THE POETRY I WOULD WRITE, ABOUT YOU AND THE FEELINGS YOU GIVE ME. AND MAYBE I’D SHOW YOU AND
MAYBE I WOULDN’T BUT YOU’D KNOW THEY WERE THERE
I AM EASY TO FALL IN LOVE WITH
BUT I AM HARD TO LOVE
AND YOU WILL LAUGH AND SAY IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE BUT
HAVE YOU TRIED?
I wrote this as two parts last night but I decided it sounded better together
You don’t know numb after you break a bone
That’s not real numbness
Real numbness makes you want to rip your heart out just to know you’re still alive
It’s sitting in your room smoking a cigarette feeling nothing but the burn in the back of your throat
You yearn to feel something and to care about something, anything. Anyone.
I don’t think people take me
They say I’m okay;
I show you the scars on my wrist,
You say I’m okay.
I tell you how lonely I am,
You say I’m okay.
I tell you I feel like dying,
You say it’ll be okay.
You still say I’m okay
I CUT DEEPER TO SHOW YOU THAT I AM NOT OKAY
I TRY TO SHOW YOU THAT I’M ROTTING FROM THE INSIDE OUT AND
THAT I AM SUFFOCATING IN THIS CIGARETTE SMOKE AND I WANT ALL OF THE NOISE IN MY HEAD TO
Get back up. Even covered in dirt you are so beautiful. Breathe. It will be okay. Keep your head up and know you will be happy again.